3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
