You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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