I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
