I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think people are normalizing furries
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
