would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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