Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
