So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
