Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
