she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
