Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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