I'm really into asian looking animals
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
