If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
