i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
