So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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