I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
