is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
