i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
