I think I died a long time ago.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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