A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
