yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
