Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sarcasm needs its own font
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
