Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
