just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
