she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
you made out with another girl for some wings
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
