I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
