Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
