I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ketchup is God's man juice
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
