um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i think my cat just said my name.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
