So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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