I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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