In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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