he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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