We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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