I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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