She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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