Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
