Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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