My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
