The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
