i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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