Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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