Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
