My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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