Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
