I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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