Umm I'm too high to move.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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