A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
