Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
