I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
