PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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