you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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