There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
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