My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
