I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
