How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
