I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Randomize
