Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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