I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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