In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
