btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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