you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
