I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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