And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
