I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
