i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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