I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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